In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

For believers are those who, when Allah is mentioned, they feel a tremor In their hearts, and when they hear His Signs rehearsed, find their faith strengthened, and put (all) their trust In their Lord.
Quran; Al-Anfal, Ayat 2.

Disclaimer


Assalamualaikum w.b.t and salam sejahtera to all of you, my dear readers.

Ahlan wasahlan wamarhaban bikum and welcome to my simple and ordinary blog. My blog was born since March 19, 2007. It was born as a real reflection of my mind where everything that come across my mind confer. Truly, my blog is merely my personal, my diary, my book, my writing and me, myself. It just a sincere expression from my inner mind and heart; not more not less. Therefore, if you guys want to read it, just read with your own consequences. Every individual is unique because of their idiosyncracies. This is mainly because of differences in experience, education, value, background, and even personality. We are unique. Each of us interpret the same information in different ways as our thinking varies. Certain common causes (in any possible way) are definately responsible for the an individual's inbuilt barriers. Hence, I will not be responsible for anything or something that may cause uneasy feeling or inconvenience state that you may face in advance. Thank you. Happy reading. Cherios.

All rights reserved. 2007.


Mohd Khairul Fadzli Abdullah,
IIUM, Gombak.
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A certain amount of endurance brings about a possibility of hopes.
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Embarassing. My life is full of despair..

Assalamualalikum,


I wanna ask here, can anyone please tell me where can I order a big bowl of shame. What shop can I get it and how much it's cost. Oh, malunya hari ni tuhan saje lah tahu. But, alhamdulillah ala kulli hal. Syukur sgt2. Thanks God. Mungkin itu lah yg sepatutnya aku terima dalam hidupku. Something that completely contradict with my dream and philosophy. I absolutely know that we can never always get what we want or deserve in our life and really, I don't deserve for all of these but this is what God gave to me and what exactly I got today. At least sedarlah sikit diri ini. X perfect. That is the best for me. I always dream to be someone who people can rely on to me, people who can be proud of, but everything more fantasy than reality.

I was so desperate today. My life is abundantly filled of despair. I don't know why. Why it always happens to me. Ye ujian untuk menguji keimanan seseorang kan? Truly, for me the word "happiness" is seems far2 away from the reality to grab. My dream is always go faster than my capability. My imagination is always go beyond my limit. Regardless whatever I did it always never give better result to me. Never healing my wound. Sometimes I was wonder why some people can excel in their life even they put small amount of effort in their life while some are not. Why everything I do is never goes right? It always goes wrong. What's wrong with me. Sungguh2 aku kecewa dgn hidup ini. Ashaduanla ila ha illah, wa ashaduanna muhammadan rasulullah. Astagfirullahalazim Gapolah aku tulis ni..sabar2..anggaplah pengalaman hidup.

What's the real problem? Can anyone tell me. Can we blame ourselves on something happened? If we can blame ourselves, then which part or organ to be blamed? Maybe we can bear all of this to the destiny/ fate, right? Well, then it might be my destiny. The destiny that gloomy my single day. Well-enough to put me in a melancholy series of life. But please readers, don't get me wrong. Even my words sound like I loss my faith but believe me, I still have faith. Here, I just want to express my dissatisfaction on what happened to me today and if not excessively speaking, it always happens to me since long time ago.

Well, I never expect it will be so bad today. I thought I am really ready for all of this. But, it was a huge mistake. It's just what I'm thought. Now they all know about me. About my flaws, my weaknesses. About my incapability. Now, their perception toward me turn the other side. Just like bubble fade away from shining of the sun. Really, my action is merely disgrace my life. I was so cruel to myself (even I should not act like this)..

BTW, thanks God, they all should know about me. I'm not as smart as they all thought. Never and ever. (I wish nobody will read this)

I had to be myself. I really aware that I'm not a famous Mr. President or a fabulous superstar hero in movie. I am who I am now. Just like this. Always chasing perfection but never achieve nor even getting closer to it. Trust me, it just make we suffer a lot inside rather than happiness at the end. Then after all, I know who actually I am.



p/s: for those who laughing at me, yes I know some of you laughed at me today, I want to tell you sooner or later, your time will come too. Then you will suffer just like me now. You are not always at the top. I wish you will suffer more than me.


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Ardour of Admiration (AoA)
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